Husby at war

A pigeon fell in love with my Husby. I don’t really mind. I mean, we have an open marriage, he put a ring on it (and so did I, I’m not some kind of stingy bastard). But Husby is so pissed off he blocked the pigeon on interspeciesdating dot com. Unfortunately though, the bird has our address and is stalking Husby full time. And it goes, “blorp blorp wanna fuck” and Husby’s all like “DIE IN HELL SATAN” and pigeon …Read More »


No posts recently, because lazy, so I am mostly being short-form amusing on Facebook at the moment. Come over! And to entice you, here’s a meme. I didn’t make it myself. I stole it from somewhere. I am a bad person. There’s no point to posting it. But it’s funny, OK? I think. If THIS doesn’t get you to come over to my Facebook page (we have dicks!) (not really!) I don’t know what will.

I am possibly a Norse Goddess

There is a story in Norse Mythology where Loki cuts off the golden hair of Thor’s wife, Sif. This is almost exactly what happened to me, except as far as I know no Norse Gods were involved and technically Husby did the cutting, although it was my own fault. The end. Edit: Apparently this needs further explanation, although I don’t see why. You will be shocked by this but I was not naturally born with blonde hair and black beard. …Read More »

Save money the Dutch way!

Dutch people love saving money. If they find out eggs are €0.05 cheaper on the other side of town, they will bike in the rain for an hour to buy 100 of them, thus saving €5. Then they will forget they bought them and throw away 89 rotten ones two months later. But hey! They saved €5 for which they theoretically could buy something exciting! Like, a few more eggs. (That’s what they generally do.) It transpires I’ve always been Dutch …Read More »

Birthdays (2)

My birthday is not approaching anytime soon (which is a good thing because I will become so freaking old I’ll probably start seriously considering Botox, then I will turn into Nicole Kidman, receive lucrative advertising opportunities… actually I just decided my birthday is tomorrow) so I feel safe talking about previous ones. When I was a kid, and then a miserable teenager living with Mom and two brothers, my birthdays meant having Granny, Auntie, Mom and if I was lucky …Read More »

Birthdays (1)

Husby’s birthday is approaching soon! Of course this makes me very happy. It also is very awkward for a very simple reason. We have a rule not to give each other presents for valentines (note lowercase) and xmas (note lowercase). We do, however, celebrate birthdays. And when I say celebrate I mean to say we tell absolutely nobody and hide at home pretending we are plants. Nevertheless, both of us participate and at some point the topic of a present …Read More »

It’s oh so quiet

Okay, time to reveal the truth. I haven’t actually been kidnapped by Ricky and Rocky. (They do exist though, and most of what I have written about them is true. Rocky thought it was hilarious. Ricky blocked me on Facebook. Possibly. I don’t know because I deleted my account in case he’d read the post. I also changed my phone number. And moved. He’s a very lovely person though. If you are reading this, Ricky, please remember I love you …Read More »


We are currently trapped in a country the name of which I can’t pronounce (also I am not sure which continent this is) but it’s all good because Rocky smuggled some drugs the names of which I also can’t pronounce in a body orifice the name of which I would rather not reveal so we are having F-U-N-N with caputal U and will be back in a few days. I guess. Possibly. Shit. The drugs are either wearing off or …Read More »

Happy XXXmas!

’tis the season to enjoy and spend lots of money on presents for people you intensely dislike! So I thought I’d write about the one and only sex party I’ve ever been to. You’re welcome, Internet. The theme of the party was Leather Gayme Of Thrones, if I recall correctly. There might have been some XXX and cocks in the title as well. Since one of Husby’s MANY talents is making things out of leather and metal, he was kindly …Read More »

(Possible) Candlelight Supper With Ricky & Rocky

The first time I met Rocky was at a fetish sex club in Cologne. Except nobody told me it was a fetish sex club. I was under the impression that I was in a club and wondered why nobody else is on the dancefloor (truth be told, the DJ was so terrible even I only half-heartedly wiggled a bit out of sense of duty). I did wonder how come so many people come in but I actually SEE so few of …Read More »