Husby at war

A pigeon fell in love with my Husby. I don’t really mind. I mean, we have an open marriage, he put a ring on it (and so did I, I’m not some kind of stingy bastard). But Husby is so pissed off he blocked the pigeon on interspeciesdating dot com. Unfortunately though, the bird has our address and is stalking Husby full time. And it goes, “blorp blorp wanna fuck” and Husby’s all like “DIE IN HELL SATAN” and pigeon …Read More »

Happy XXXmas!

’tis the season to enjoy and spend lots of money on presents for people you intensely dislike! So I thought I’d write about the one and only sex party I’ve ever been to. You’re welcome, Internet. The theme of the party was Leather Gayme Of Thrones, if I recall correctly. There might have been some XXX and cocks in the title as well. Since one of Husby’s MANY talents is making things out of leather and metal, he was kindly …Read More »

(Possible) Candlelight Supper With Ricky & Rocky

The first time I met Rocky was at a fetish sex club in Cologne. Except nobody told me it was a fetish sex club. I was under the impression that I was in a club and wondered why nobody else is on the dancefloor (truth be told, the DJ was so terrible even I only half-heartedly wiggled a bit out of sense of duty). I did wonder how come so many people come in but I actually SEE so few of …Read More »

Husby Doesn’t Understand Intoxication

There was this birthday once that we were invited to. Since it was Netherlands, we were all sitting in a circle with our beverages, talking. Since it was an anarchist twenty-something’s birthday, those beverages were NOT coffee. (Well, I had mineral water, because I am an anarchist anarchist and I go against the flow of those who go against the flow. I was also a hipster before it was cool.) Anyway, since we were a bunch of blokes most of whom …Read More »

Why I Don’t Get Laid Much

When I came to Amsterdam ten years ago, I was basically Cinderella up for a rude awakening. One of the first times I went on a date the guy told me he’d like to have an open relationship. “Ooh,” I exclaimed, “how unusual and exciting!” He gave me a look. “Everybody has an open relationship in Amsterdam.” This was a rather novel concept for someone who comes from a country in which in 2006 you could essentially be Madonna (i.e. …Read More »

I’ll Appreciate That When I Become A Plant

One of the things that work my last nerve is the existence of rain, which is something you can observe very often in Amsterdam. On average, 360 days in the year feature rain, hale, snow or all of the above. The remaining 5 days are called summer. The difference between summer and all other seasons is that average temperature in the summer is higher, which is achieved by providing us with two days during which I lay naked, panting, on …Read More »