Husby at war

A pigeon fell in love with my Husby. I don’t really mind. I mean, we have an open marriage, he put a ring on it (and so did I, I’m not some kind of stingy bastard). But Husby is so pissed off he blocked the pigeon on interspeciesdating dot com. Unfortunately though, the bird has our address and is stalking Husby full time. And it goes, “blorp blorp wanna fuck” and Husby’s all like “DIE IN HELL SATAN” and pigeon …Read More »

Why I Have Missed On Goodness That Was Ben

Ben was a workmate of mine back in the Stone Ages when I had a regular job. I know! I can’t believe it either. I mean what are the odds of having a workmate called Ben? He was beautiful. Ripped, too – he was a semi-pro swimmer and I suppose he needed a job because of the “semi” bit. He liked taking his clothes off, which sadly happened very rarely because for some reason he didn’t do it at work. …Read More »

Why I Don’t Get Laid Much

When I came to Amsterdam ten years ago, I was basically Cinderella up for a rude awakening. One of the first times I went on a date the guy told me he’d like to have an open relationship. “Ooh,” I exclaimed, “how unusual and exciting!” He gave me a look. “Everybody has an open relationship in Amsterdam.” This was a rather novel concept for someone who comes from a country in which in 2006 you could essentially be Madonna (i.e. …Read More »

The Shortest Romance That’s Ever Been Sold

I went to pick up my dear friend Nina from the airport. The airplane wouldn’t let her out though (true story bro, I’ll let her fill in the details later) so I had to wait. And there I was, reading a book on my e-reader, when I caught sight of true beauty. He was maybe 28-30, bearded (obviously), with this sort of manga hair in streaks that sticks out naughtily from under a hat, and he was reading. A male …Read More »