Birthdays (1)

Husby’s birthday is approaching soon! Of course this makes me very happy. It also is very awkward for a very simple reason. We have a rule not to give each other presents for valentines (note lowercase) and xmas (note lowercase). We do, however, celebrate birthdays. And when I say celebrate I mean to say we tell absolutely nobody and hide at home pretending we are plants. Nevertheless, both of us participate and at some point the topic of a present …Read More »

How To Stay Popular In The Fifth Anniversary World

For the post title I used a tool called “Portent’s Content Idea Generator”. So either you’re welcome or I am not to blame, okay. I’d do a poll asking if you want me to use this thing more often if I weren’t too lazy to figure out how to do a poll. Before meeting Husby, who then was obviously then called Potential Candidate, I was convinced I was not going to have another relationship ever. My history wasn’t exactly stellar. I …Read More »

Husby Doesn’t Understand Intoxication

There was this birthday once that we were invited to. Since it was Netherlands, we were all sitting in a circle with our beverages, talking. Since it was an anarchist twenty-something’s birthday, those beverages were NOT coffee. (Well, I had mineral water, because I am an anarchist anarchist and I go against the flow of those who go against the flow. I was also a hipster before it was cool.) Anyway, since we were a bunch of blokes most of whom …Read More »

Sicko

So there’s this embarrassing thing where I’m not even 40, but I get sick all the time. I love everything medieval except things related to hygiene, but even if I somehow managed to live long enough to take my first steps and hold my first sword/bow/shovel/hammer I would trip over a piece of moldy cheese and stab myself with sword/shoot with bow/hit with shovel or hammer, because that’s how I roll. While stabbing self with sword I would also be …Read More »

I’ll Appreciate That When I Become A Plant

One of the things that work my last nerve is the existence of rain, which is something you can observe very often in Amsterdam. On average, 360 days in the year feature rain, hale, snow or all of the above. The remaining 5 days are called summer. The difference between summer and all other seasons is that average temperature in the summer is higher, which is achieved by providing us with two days during which I lay naked, panting, on …Read More »

Shit We Brought from South of France

In the previous episode we went on our second honeyweek to a lovely place in the South of France and watched adverts. We stayed at Geert’s – he’s been a good friend of Husby for quite a while, and is currently also serving his sentence as one of mine thanks to his stellar performance as host, advert presenter and, well, friend. Love you, Geert, you’re awesome. In fact *turns back to the audience* he is so awesome that he prepared …Read More »

About Lady Parts (Trust Me, I’m An Expert)

Husby and me visited a friend in France a while ago for our second honeyweek. The friend is a Dutchie as well – I call him Geert because I am feeling particularly sadistic – and obviously watches Dutch news every night. (He lives on a mountain surrounded by wild bears and glaciers, barely gets any phone reception, his Internet is good enough to check mail once every three weeks and post is delivered to nearest village since postman refuses to do extra …Read More »

Not A Professional Cock Caster, Of Course

The first time I met Husby, who obviously went by a different name at the time, I was under the impression that I was going to see a world-famous artist, who was generally too important to even speak to me. Therefore I was very impressed by the fact he generously agreed to spare me a bit of his time which he could be spending on schmoozing with the celebrities and being interviewed by popular press. The only thing that I actually …Read More »