Husby at war

A pigeon fell in love with my Husby. I don’t really mind. I mean, we have an open marriage, he put a ring on it (and so did I, I’m not some kind of stingy bastard). But Husby is so pissed off he blocked the pigeon on interspeciesdating dot com. Unfortunately though, the bird has our address and is stalking Husby full time. And it goes, “blorp blorp wanna fuck” and Husby’s all like “DIE IN HELL SATAN” and pigeon …Read More »

I am possibly a Norse Goddess

There is a story in Norse Mythology where Loki cuts off the golden hair of Thor’s wife, Sif. This is almost exactly what happened to me, except as far as I know no Norse Gods were involved and technically Husby did the cutting, although it was my own fault. The end. Edit: Apparently this needs further explanation, although I don’t see why. You will be shocked by this but I was not naturally born with blonde hair and black beard. …Read More »

Birthdays (2)

My birthday is not approaching anytime soon (which is a good thing because I will become so freaking old I’ll probably start seriously considering Botox, then I will turn into Nicole Kidman, receive lucrative advertising opportunities… actually I just decided my birthday is tomorrow) so I feel safe talking about previous ones. When I was a kid, and then a miserable teenager living with Mom and two brothers, my birthdays meant having Granny, Auntie, Mom and if I was lucky …Read More »

It’s oh so quiet

Okay, time to reveal the truth. I haven’t actually been kidnapped by Ricky and Rocky. (They do exist though, and most of what I have written about them is true. Rocky thought it was hilarious. Ricky blocked me on Facebook. Possibly. I don’t know because I deleted my account in case he’d read the post. I also changed my phone number. And moved. He’s a very lovely person though. If you are reading this, Ricky, please remember I love you …Read More »

Happy XXXmas!

’tis the season to enjoy and spend lots of money on presents for people you intensely dislike! So I thought I’d write about the one and only sex party I’ve ever been to. You’re welcome, Internet. The theme of the party was Leather Gayme Of Thrones, if I recall correctly. There might have been some XXX and cocks in the title as well. Since one of Husby’s MANY talents is making things out of leather and metal, he was kindly …Read More »


So there’s this embarrassing thing where I’m not even 40, but I get sick all the time. I love everything medieval except things related to hygiene, but even if I somehow managed to live long enough to take my first steps and hold my first sword/bow/shovel/hammer I would trip over a piece of moldy cheese and stab myself with sword/shoot with bow/hit with shovel or hammer, because that’s how I roll. While stabbing self with sword I would also be …Read More »

I’ll Appreciate That When I Become A Plant

One of the things that work my last nerve is the existence of rain, which is something you can observe very often in Amsterdam. On average, 360 days in the year feature rain, hale, snow or all of the above. The remaining 5 days are called summer. The difference between summer and all other seasons is that average temperature in the summer is higher, which is achieved by providing us with two days during which I lay naked, panting, on …Read More »