Who is your audience?
It’s not nice of you to ask me complicated questions. I would imagine them as life’s glitterati, floating effortlessly from one party to another, sipping champagne, carried around by muscled slaves who will please them in the morning. Those people are reading my blog on their smartphones, because they need a laugh too and Gwyneth “it must be so terrible to be poor and not able to afford organic caviar” Paltrow thinks it’s very exciting to read about lives of poor people. You know what Goopy? At least we fuck. Take that.
What is your goal?
Let’s be honest. EVERYBODY who starts a blog wants: 1. attention 2. millions of readers; 3. a book deal; 4. a show on TV called “Ray and the Husby: Why Are They Just Like All Of Us” (two hours, 8pm on a Sunday, I am played by Idris Elba and Husby by Chris Hemsworth with no top on). Also, we want to sell our art. Especially the trashy stuff. That will help the best. Oh and the big things, so we have more space for small things.
I’d say “watch this space” but I will actually not write anything in this space ever again because I will forget I have a FAQ, so you would actually do better watching paint dry. Don’t inhale.
Where do the illustrations come from? Are you like a fucking kid prodigy?
Yees….. by which I mean no. They are screenshots from Sims 4, Mac version, highest settings of everything by Electronic Arts. The only thing I do is put speech bubbles on them. And of course play Sims 4 until a useable screenshot is found. Which is because I am actually really good at drawing (this is not a joke) but I am even better at being lazy with things that don’t excite me at all. Like drawing. And cleaning.
What are your SEO keywords?
Do we have to make it this dumb and rude…? Oh wait, this is the $$$ part. Yes, I am available. That would be: gay, blacksmith, artists, married, open, bipolar (has six, desperately stumbles for more), ummm put talented and looking for publisher in there and we are covered for two more. Don’t tell me this is not how it works because I made a website in 1998 and you could even send me an email and there was an animated GIF. I know everything about the Internet net.
What else do you want to tell your multiple readers?
Please don’t sue me.